Everyone has value. And we assign a value to everyone we meet. This is likely not something that you do overtly or consciously. However, it’s happening regardless. We are judging, assessing and determining what each person we interact with can bring to our table, whatever it might be – friendship, love, kindness, fun, drama, aggression, unpleasantness, anger, etc.
In a perfect world, once we determine that if what they bring is a good fit for us and something we want at our table, we would keep it, welcome it even. You know, stuff like friendship, love, kindness, or fun. On the flip side, once we determine that if what they bring to our table is a bad fit for us and something we don’t want, we would banish it. Stuff like drama, aggression, unpleasantness, or anger.
In the real world, however, sometimes we decide that the good stuff that someone brings to the table is something we actually don’t deserve. And we banish it. We banish the good stuff. And on the flip side, sometimes we decide that the bad stuff that someone brings to the table is something we actually do deserve. And we keep it, maybe even welcome it, maybe even invite it!
We are constantly assessing other’s values. Constantly. And we decide if we want their value in our life and at our table based on how we view our OWN value. Because, you, yes YOU have value too.
The problem is, however, that sometimes we actually assess our own value on the low side, sometimes even at the lowest possible rating we can find. In fact, sometimes people even create new, lower-than-low ratings to rate themselves. Maybe this is something that you have done or even are still doing?
So how do we fix this? How do we adjust the rating scale that we use to assess our own value? It can start in lots of places, but if you’re wondering what the lowest hanging fruit is, I’d have to go with self-talk.
Think about how you talk to yourself. Is it with kindness? Is it with love? Is it with compassion and understanding? My guess is probably not. We treat ourselves like total and complete garbage a good percentage of the time. And I feel very confident that there is no way that you would allow someone else to speak to you in the same way that you speak to yourself. What message is this sending to yourself? Is this sending one of value? NO! No f’ing way!
So start speaking to yourself (and about yourself) with love. And with kindness. And with compassion. Start recognizing your own value in the world, both to yourself and to others. Start small if you need to…like, “hey, I drove safely today and didn’t cause any accidents.” Or maybe, “hey, I told the check out person at the grocery store today that she had pretty hair and she said the comment made her day.” Start recognizing the good in yourself. Because it’s there. It’s in all of us. And you, yes YOU are valued.
A Testimonial From a Previous HTW Client
"She's great and easy to talk to and open up to! " :-)