Everyone is negative some of the time. Some people are negative more of the time and some people are negative less of the time. But at the end of the day, everyone is some sort of negative some of the time.
Why? Why are people negative? Why do they chose negativity over positivity? Why do they allow themselves to stay in that dark, icky place?
First off, some people will argue that nobody “choses” to be negative. Some people will argue that nobody “choses” to not be happy. Now, let’s clarify by saying that organic emotions, as they come up, are totally out of our control. They just happen. They are simply a response to some sort of stimuli. And we have no power or control over them when they first arrive. But that’s where the powerlessness ends. Right there. The emotion comes up….and then you decide what do to with it. You can decide to stay in that dark, icky place, wallowing in your feelings of yuck. Or you can decide to get out of that dark, icky place, and spend your time feeling at least better if not good or dare I say, even great.
Yes, this is a choice. Negativity is a choice. Sadness is a choice. Positivity is a choice. Happiness is a choice. I know that there are many people out there that will argue with this and say that they are not responsible for their feelings and that their feelings “just happen.”
Yes, feelings “just happen.” This is totally, 100% true. YET, you DO NOT HAVE TO STAY IN THAT PLACE OF YUCK. YOU CAN GET OUT. Is this easy? No. Nope. No way. Which leads us to WHY people stay there.
People stay in the dark, icky places because it is easy and requires no effort. Think about falling into quick sand. They more you fight and struggle, the deeper you get. The more you fight and struggle, the closer you get to your own demise. Yet, if you remain calm and lean back into the quicksand, you will begin to float. And while in the moment it seems completely counterintuitive and scary, it is how you save your life.
Negativity, sadness, and all of the other dark, icky uncomfortable emotions are the same. The more you fight them, the deeper you get. If you ignore the problem, and take no action, you will simply sink. If you take calm action, you will rise above and survive.
Happy people aren’t happy simply because. They are happy because they chose to be happy. They step in just as much quick sand as everyone else. But they have figured out that fighting against the things that occur organically in their life experience is a losing battle. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
So stop fighting. Stop doing nothing. Start working on ways to rise above. Because you, yes YOU, are a survivor!
A Testimonial From a Previous HTW Client
I was on a run, thinking vaguely about the self-talk email, and then my mind wandered over to something negative, and I realized that so much of the stuff I’d felt since early childhood – feeling inferior, ugly, unwanted, of no worth, ashamed, etc… – originated from me. I was telling myself that!
I definitely think that a lot of my emotional baggage comes from my relationship with my parents, but it was super enlightening to realize that so much of those bad, empty, awful feelings weren’t happening because it was true that I had no value.
I think it was me trying to make sense of things – using those feelings as a defense mechanism to keep from being vulnerable. And since I started doing that at a really young age, it was such a part of me that I just sank into it.
Of course it’s very painful to realize this as well – I wish I could go back to my young self and wrap her up in a huge hug. But I think insight like this is part of the healing process.