
My Thank You! So, I’m getting close to my three-month anniversary of being given the gift of life through my
Read MoreMy Thank You! So, I’m getting close to my three-month anniversary of being given the gift of life through my
Read MoreMy Colostomy . . . So Dr. Vrees and I signed off on the paperwork for my permanent colostomy on
Read MoreMy Camera. . . So if you listened to or read last week’s installment, you may recall that my surgeon,
Read MoreMy SBO #2… So last week we talked about my first small bowel obstruction, which happened in the middle of
Read MoreMy first small bowel obstruction… So, I had my ileostomy reversed on August 10, 2020. Dr. Vrees, my surgeon, kept
Read MoreMy Second Surgery… Hi everyone! Welcome to week eleven. So a quick recap… I was diagnosed with Stage III Rectal
Read MoreMy Weird Problems… So Part II of my cancer journey was pretty much all of 2020…yes, Covid 2020. And my
Read MoreMy Surgery #1 Alright, by Thanksgiving 2019, I had completed all of my chemo and all of my radiation. I
Read MoreMy Radiation… So, as I quickly think about radiation, it doesn’t seem like it was that big of a deal.
Read MoreMy Chemo – the last 6 cycles… Ok, so last week you heard about my first two chemo cycles, which
Read MoreI was on a run, thinking vaguely about the self-talk email, and then my mind wandered over to something negative, and I realized that so much of the stuff I’d felt since early childhood – feeling inferior, ugly, unwanted, of no worth, ashamed, etc… – originated from me. I was telling myself that!
I definitely think that a lot of my emotional baggage comes from my relationship with my parents, but it was super enlightening to realize that so much of those bad, empty, awful feelings weren’t happening because it was true that I had no value.
I think it was me trying to make sense of things – using those feelings as a defense mechanism to keep from being vulnerable. And since I started doing that at a really young age, it was such a part of me that I just sank into it.
Of course it’s very painful to realize this as well – I wish I could go back to my young self and wrap her up in a huge hug. But I think insight like this is part of the healing process.