A Karmic Relationship - What is it?

   Have you ever had that one relationship that you just seemed unable to break away from, no matter how toxic or crappy it was?  You feel like you can’t escape. When things are bad, they are so, so bad that you feel like you’re drowning in sadness and pain.  But when things are good, they are so, so good that you can’t imagine ever feeling so friggin’ amazing ever again. Your family and friends (maybe even your counselor) tell you to STAY AWAY, as far away as possible.  They watch you go in, get hurt, come back out but then go right back in again. Round and round you go. Does this sound like anyone you know?

   When someone comes into a session and starts talking about some god-awful relationship where both people are at times (sometimes all the time) horrible and mean or subservient or super manipulative and nobody feels safe and everyone is struggling but nobody can leave, no matter how hard they try, and the client is using words that echo someone that is addicted to crack or heroin, it’s usually time for the “karmic relationship” talk.  And every time, and I mean every single time we have the talk, the client’s eyes get big and they say, “OH MY GOD…THAT’S ME, THAT’S US!”

   The other thing I can promise about these relationships is that if the lessons are ignored and/or avoided, they will repeat.  The universe, God, Allah, what/whoever (I will use “universe” going forward as an all-inclusive term) does not give out free passes when lessons get too hard or too yucky.  The universe doesn’t feel bad for you when it’s rough. That’s not how this works.

   Actually, the opposite holds true.  The lessons get harder. And yuckier.  And messier. The universe does not appreciate its gifts of lessons being ignored.   So it makes them bigger and if someone is especially stubborn, the lesson(s) may get so big that they simply cannot be avoided

   Here is a list that might help make the karmic relationship more clear:

1. They repeat patterns. 

2. They are selfish. 

3. They are addictive. 

4. They are controlling. 

5. They feel destined. 

6. There is an instant connection. 

7. They create dependency. 

8. They bring out your worst fears. 

9. They are irrational. 

10. They reveal your dark side. 

11. They are tumultuous. 

12. They push your buttons. 

13. They are extremely unhealthy, and usually do not last. 

(Thank you to Thought Catalog for the above list)

   So let’s say that you identify with this list and that you realize that you are in one of these karmic relationships.  Now what? Now what do you do? 

   Tune in next week to discuss possible solutions.

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